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The Boybutante Divas . . . and
Their Stories
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Unlike so many others in show biz, there's not a mean bone in
Ms. "Ana" Armani's stage-acclimatized body. A tireless
champion of numerous causes, she is also the CEO of her start-up
venture "Ho-Made Pompons," which has become the number
one choice for suppliers of rural cheerleading camps throughout
the Southeast. These popular chicken-feather creations have
saved several local family poultry farms from bankruptcy--the
lovely result of Ana's special feel for capitalism and social
responsibility. Managing to find plenty of time for an active
social life, Ana can turn any hour into Happy Hour. In fact,
three of her last four escorts checked into rehab the morning
after. "I'm the rock bottom Oglethorpe county men most
want to hit," Ana says. "It feels good to make a difference." |
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A stunt model/choreographer for Pam Grier
in the early '70s, Mighty Afro-Whitey's career faltered after
a tragic steroid mishap. While plotting a comeback, she sold
Sarah Coventry jewelry and auto repairs door-to-door. She soon
abandoned this line of work, being "wore out" with
having to buy new shoes every time she changed a clutch. With
a "butts-and-biceps" type of beauty, her lip-pursing
and come-hither strut made her a shoo-in for the Boybutante
Stage. Mighty's recent purchase of the now-defunct Kenny Rogers
Roasters--she plans to reorganize the chain as "Mighty's
Frontisserie and Biscuits"--was made possible by the success
of Ghettoe Glamour, her inner-city pedicure boutique. Mighty
is an inspiration to big-boned, full-figured gals everywhere,
and as promised, has never relaxed. |
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People say that the lovely Christina Bombay likes it shaken and stirred, and they're right. Her bi-weekly deliveries from the local liquor distributor have been known to cause quite a buzz among her Boybutante pals, but nothing is quite so shocking to some and pleasing to others as the constant parade of "bartenders" arriving in Speedos for her oh-so-private gin-soaked parties! Whether she's neat or on-the-rocks, you can be sure that Christina is always top shelf. |
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Since his sparkling debut at Boybutante
12 "She Haw," André has become Boybutante's
favorite drag king, performing to audiences that shriek themselves
hoarse. Crowned Miss Bogart in 2000, he was initially disqualified
for using real fish in his codpiece, but later reinstated after
the "freshness seal" was authenticated and tartar
sauce produced. "I never eat out without bringing my own
condiments," states André. |
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Crowned Miss Bogart of 1997, Chi Chi
immortalized her stage presence that year by temporarily blinding
Kate Pierson with the contents of a fifth of José Cuervo
Gold. But when the chips are down, we can always count on this
sultry señorita to provide the salsa, or at least the
jar it came in. |
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Miss Bogart's first and pre-Boyball designee
was none other than Miss Kitty Crack. This vivacious entrepreneuse--she
created the entire line of "Hello Kitty" school accessorites,
as well as "Kitty Please" cat litter-- has been on
tour performing material from her latest album, "Don't
Feel Like You Got to Stay the Night." Kitty has often been
credited with single-handedly bringing the baby-doll nightie
to evening dress. Now in session recordinng her cover of Connie
Francis's "Who's Sorry Now?" and the crossover hit
"When Kabuki Makeup Gets in Your Eyes," this trendsetter
diva is a star wherever one is lacking. |
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This community-minded society doyenne
was driven to more than bridge and drink. President of the Sodom
Ladies' Auxiliary and hostess extraordinaire of the Gomorrah
Garden Club, Mz. Daisy was among the initial founders and organizers
of the Boybutante Ball. However, her success with spray-painted
tractor tire gardens ended her formal association with the Ball.
Now living in Florida with her thriving business, she's a social
butterfly who's never to bushed or busy to care. |
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Miss Bogart of 1993, Jetta is more Southern
than her name implies. Hailing from Gainesville, Ga., she urges
caution in assigning any meaning, figurative or otherwise, to
her last name, which is German for "driving pleasure."
Many consider her the originator of the phrase "Deviled
Eggs Are the Perfect Addition to Any Covered-Dish Function,"
though Jetta herself prefers the not-so-rhetorical "Who
says you can't knit your own window treatments?" |
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Miss Bogart of 1995 is one fine lady
as well as one tall drink of water. Voted the "prettiest
gal you could never hate" in 1997, Verandah Foyer--pronounced
"fwah-yay"--and her sister Cherilyn stunned
audiences with their Country & Western duet in that year's
Boyball show. Verandah has an ethereal beauty, which, it's safe
to say, is difficult to pin down. Many a youth has been stuck
on her, but none has been able to successfully take her through
airport security. Looking pensively into the setting sun and
sipping a Mint Julep, Verandah muses, "If only my being
easy was as pretty as it is easy for me to be pretty." |
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Wild Cherry Sucret remembers counseling
Ella Gant on the Suicide Drag Hotline many years ago. "She
was slipping away," says W.C. wistfully, "until I
offered her the support she so desperately needed--control-top
and otherwise." Ella's come a long way from those days
and in the past five years her talent and beauty have increased
in equal measure. "If you're out to Google me," says
Ella, showing off her haute-tech knowledge, "the key words
are discipline and perfection." Ever
since her patented Duct-Tape Boob Job was approved by the AMA
and Miss Girl's House of Hair Day Spa, her popularity with the
media and the masses has caused her to require that each member
of her entourage has an entourage of his/her own. Regretfully,
Ella had to have one of her assistants "put down."
"She bought a color of toe-nail polish at least two shades
too dark," explains Ella. "Neither of us could live
with the disappointment." |
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A graduate of the Japanese Film Institute
of Lip Sync, the former "Miss Cathy"
was gunned down in front of the 40-Watt Club in 1992 by an estranged
lover. Her immediate reincarnation as Chicken Kisses did nothing
in terms off familiarizing her with the words to the song she
performed that year, the Carpenters' "On Top of the World." |
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Lacie is the perfect example of what
can happen when Rock and Strippers collide. Though she's
done more than her share of head banging, she's still got
lots going on up there. She is the MacGuyver of Undergarments,
able to construct panties from any house hold object:
tinsel, type writer ribbons, even wads of belly button lint
or chicken feathers. Voted the queen most like to inspire
the phrase "Where did it go?," Lacie gave the audience
at Boyball 15 a peek at momma's secret weapon. And still,
her popularity grows. Proof that If the package is offered
generously, nobody minds when the wrapping
comes off.
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A self-proclaimed poster child for "I'm
pretty on the inside," Sophia LoRent made her debut at
Boybll 10, aptly titled "Apocalipstick Now." Though
a member of the landed gentry of Oglethorpe County, where she
owns an estate called Queen Acres, she eschews condescension,
because "that's talking down to people." The big news:
while attempting to clear up her own gene pool, Sophia got a
tad preggers this year. "'Laid Fresh every Chance We Get'
doesn't just refer to Queen Acres Eggs anymore," Sophia
says with a snork. The Quintuplets--tentatively named Jolene,
Marzine, Geraldine, Christine, and Chlorine--are due this fall.
Sophia has not allowed her condition to keep her from the chores
of rural living. Tireless in the honing of her post-hole digging
skills, she recently received recognition for the "deepest,
fastest hole" in Colbert. "By the end of September,"
Sophia says, "I'll have more children pulled out of me
than from a private school in flames after the chemistry lab
explodes." |
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In an ivy league all her own, Gloria
Manderbilt made her debut at Boyball 15 to gasps and applause.
Founder of the Garden Hoers Club and famous for her "bridge
and purge" garden parties at her home in Banks County,
Gloria attracts card sharks and bulimics from double far and
double wide. "Even when you're down on you luck,"
Gloria notes, "you can still bring up your lunch."
As Miss Bogart crownee for 2003 and this year's most anticipated
act, Gloria is reputed to have talent in spades. |
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Miss Mona may be the youngest Miss Bogart, but as they say -"it's not the years but the mileage." Miss Mona has been around the world on some very special "tours of duty" working for an un-named covert organization. She considers every deep mission a matter of national security, and is alway prepared to use her top secret security clearance coupled with her own specialized equipment and procedures to achieve the goal of the mission. |
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Sue twirlled and exploded on stage as Miss Bogart at Boyball 17, and the community - legal or otherwise - has never been the same. As an answer to a higher calling and a fondness for big words, she is pursuing an online law degree from the Johnny Cochran Institute of Law. "I plan to use my powers for good, not evil," she says, "at least most of the time." And she is certainly in a unique position to obtain the truth from the witnesses she cross examines in court. Even without her magic lasso, she's a force to be reckoned with - on stage or off.
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Pelvis was the first trangendered person
to win the Miss Bogart title. Mama Dot Com--Pelvis's
nom de him--was a huge success at Boyball 13's "Diva
Las Vegas." S/he's a talented photographer and a whiz on
the computer. In fact, it was Pelvis's relentless editing in
Photoshop that caused the sex change in the first place. "My
ports were hot-swappable and all my PCI slots were full,"
explains Pelvis. "What can I say? I wanted a great big
hard drive." |
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Athens' most beloved performer, Coretta
Scott Queen, was born in North Carolina in a year we can only
guess at. Her early singing attempts as a little girl in church
were marred by unfortunate vocal outbursts, at the time thought
to be a sign of the Holy Spirit, but now recognized as Tourette's
Syndrome. As a teenager Coretta turned to secular songs and
venues, performing at motor inns, sideshows, and detention facilities
throughout the South. A veteran of numerous "close calls,"
she was nearly killed in a freak accident involving high-tension
wires and a jumper-cable. It was then that she decided to return
to gospel singing and a look more appropriate to the sacral
arts. Coretta has left an indelible mark on congregations of
every denomination by increasing both the size and alcohol content
of the liquid accoutrements of the communion rite. "I've
made receiving communion more of a récépcion,"
she says, slipping as easily into French as slipping into her
first "tar heel." Sadly for Georgia, Coretta now lives
in Iowa to be near the pork industry. It didn't take long for
her to establish a reputation of sorts and now her corn-silk
extensions are getting busy signals all over the Midwest. In
a typically generous and gracious gesture--not unlike the one
she uses while hitchhiking--Coretta returns to Boybuante as
often as possible to grace our stage with her indescribable
je ne said quoi and clout. |
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A lady of sophistication and poise, Happy
Rockefeller graced the Athens scene with her imposing presence
for more than ten years, and many of us are still recovering
from her absence. Others profess an odd sense of relief. A graduate
of Kitty Crack's 12-Stumble Program, Happy has now become a
respected computer specialist in spite of people's initial concerns
over her yellow pants-suits and harlequin glasses. |
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Now firmly established as one of Athens'
premiere nightclub entertainers, Sasha had a diffident debut
as "Krispy Kreme" at Boyball 3. Many sequins and much
duct tape later, she was crowned Miss Bogart in 2002. Initially
crippled by her ingorance of culture--she was in the hallway
eating a cheese sandwich during nearly every French Class--she
has since graduated from Charlie Brown's Finishing School for
the Girlish and Sophie Tucker's Correspondence Course in Demure
Inebriation. Sasha lives by the creed "When in doubt, belt
it," which clearly refers to fashion as well as potables.
Despite her fame as a redhead, Sasha recently went blonde. "I
did it for the handicap parking sticker," she explains.
Whatever the color of her tresses, Sasha's talent is always
solid gold for her multitude of fans. |
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To be crowned Miss Brick Veneer Housing
and Miss Bogart all in one calendar year (1996) would be a coup
in anyone's book, but for Wild Cherry Sucret, it was well-deserved
recognition, long overdue. Once part of a singing group called
The Sucrets, she found herself alone after chemical pursuits
and unwarranted pregnancies took their toll on this talented
emsemble. Undaunted, Wild Cherry began a new career designing
a line of skin products called "Macon Highway Mud Masks,"
which opened "new vistas of dermatology," according
to subsequent court records. Her bitter disputes with the FDA
went on for years, but this feisty trouper has put her past
and her former wig where they belong. Discovered by Coretta
Scott Queen doing "colors" at Eckerd's, Wild Cherry
says, "I'll never have to tell some pasty honky that she's
an 'autumn' again." Her best-selling autobiography I
Know Why the Caged Dancer Stinks, and her critically acclaimed
performance as Mammy in the stage version of The Wig Done
Gone make every return appearance at Boybutante extra "bling-bling"
special. |
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